The Diary of Remus J Lupin
by Snuffles2
Summary: At the advice of Madame Pomfrey, a 7th year Remus buys a diary. He begins to write in it...but he's not the only one. Please R/R
1. The Diary the Started It All

Now, do you really believe that I own Harry Potter? You do? What the hell are you smoking?! Of course I don't own it!!! Nutso...Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Duh.  
  
This is a random story that popped into my head. I blame it on writers block. Readers of "Embarrassing Aragorn," please don't kill me. I'm working on the next chapter! Really! *cowers* Anywho, Review!!!!  
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Dear Diary,  
Hello. My name is Remus Lupin. Hah, here I am, introducing myself to an object that could never respond, or even if it could, care who I am. Maybe I'm nuts. I'm not sure some days. Madame Pomfrey was the one who suggested I buy a diary. She said it might help "relieve stress." I sincerely doubt it, but I trust Madame Pomfrey, and in doing so am taking her advice.   
Anyway, I'll write again if anything interesting happens.  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dear Diary,  
Remmie has gotten himself a diary? How interesting...Relieve stress? Remus is stressed out? Sure, he's been a bit cranky lately, but we blame that on the moon.   
Well, look at me. I have such horrid manners,no? My name is James Potter, and I am one of Remus's friends. I'm Captain and a chaser of the Quittidich team, Head Boy, Purveyor of Mischief, Boyfriend of Lily Evans, Proud Gryffindor, and am the one and only Prongs.   
Er, Lily is calling. Got to go!  
James Potter   
  
Dear Diary,  
Hello! You should have a name. I mean, diary seems so degrading. Names, names, names... How about Pierre? Pierre...a lot better than Diary. So, Pierre, I better introduce myself.  
My name is Sirius Black, also one of Remus's friends, Beater for the Gryffindor Quittidch Team, Prefect (Though I have no clue as to why...it's very strange._), Mischief Maker, and Proud to be named Padfoot.   
Moony's stressed? Why would he be stressed? Mental note, give Remus chocolate. I swear, he's obsessed with chocolate. But, it makes him feel better. Just no chocolate chip cookies. He gets hyper. And a hyper Moony is a scary thing.   
Well, I must head to transfiguration, or I'll be late. And a mad McGonnagall is not a good thing.   
Sirius Black  
  
James, Sirius, why the heck are you writing in my diary?!  
Remus  
  
I dunno...seemed like the thing to do at the time.  
James  
  
Dear Pierre,  
Hi. I'm Peter Pettigrew. Um, there's not much to tell you about me, except that I like candy and that I'm Remus and James and Sirius's friend. Oh, I'm also called Wormtail. I'm writing in you because...well, because everybody else was.   
Oooops! I forgot to do my divination homework and I have it next! Oh no....I've got to go.  
Peter Pettigrew   
  
Dear Diary, (Or, to make Sirius happy, Pierre,)   
One, my friends are all nutcases.   
Two, tomorrow is a full moon, and I feel like crap.   
Three, I hate divination.   
The reason for the last one, is Professor Trewlany. I swear, she likes to torture me ever time she can. Every time she looks at my palm or looks into my crystal ball, she gets this misty sad look on her face, and says that my time is short. Great. Just great. And she keeps talking about how I must control the wild thing inside of me. I'm surprised half the class hasn't figured out that I'm a werewolf. I hate her. Ugh...I'm going to sleep now...or too eat some of that chocolate that Sirius gave me.  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dear Pierre,  
Poor Remus. I know how he feels. I hate Divination too. Ever time Trewlany looks at my stuff, she will shriek and sob, saying that she sees the Grim. This time, we were doing astrological predictions, and she says that the Dog Star has alined with my birth star and that it symbolizes the grim haunting my steps. My birth star, according to the astrology Professor, is The Dog Star. (Ha, big surprise. I'm named after it for crying out loud.) So, does that mean I am the Grim? I mean, come on, I can turn into a big black dog and everything, but people don't normally drop dead when I'm around or anything. I've come to the conclusion that she's bloody nuts.   
Sirius Black  
  
Sorry Pierre, but this message isn't for you. It's for the other guys.   
Where are we going tomorrow night? I can't remember.  
James Potter  
  
James,  
I think we are going to the Spider's Den.   
Peter Pettigrew  
  
Guys,  
Don't you think this is a little weird?  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
Please define what you'd like us to define as weird.  
Sirius Black  
  
Guys,  
What I mean is, we're all writing in the same diary (which has ended up being named Pierre), whom we tend to talk too as a real person. Come on, doesn't that strike you as strange?  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
No.  
Sirius Black  
  
Remus,  
I guess it is a little strange...but we've done stranger.  
Peter Pettigrew  
  
Remus,  
I have to agree with Peter on this one. There are countless things that make us extremely strange and most likely insane-hanging out with Sirius for instance.  
James Potter  
  
James,  
This coming from Mr. I-eat-my-friends-Herbology-Projects?!  
Sirius Black  
  
Sirius,  
Hey! I wasn't completely used to stag instincts when I did that!  
James Potter  
  
James,  
Why do you have this in History of Magic?!  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,   
So we could write notes in it. It'll keep me from going nuts.  
James Potter  
  
James,  
Hate to tell you this, but you're already nuts.  
Sirius Black  
  
Sirius,  
I am not! I'm just...um...special!  
James Potter  
  
James,  
No, it's just that you and Sirius are off your medication. Or your rocker. Or both.   
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
James and Sirius have medication?  
Peter Pettigrew  
  
Peter,  
No we don't.  
Sirius Black  
  
Peter,  
I'm pretty sure they do. And if they don't, well...they need too.  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
Are you suggesting that Sirius and I are insane?  
James Potter  
  
James,  
Yes.  
Remus Lupin  
  
James,  
Next thing you know, he's going to show up with medication for us both.   
Sirius Black  
  
Sirius,  
You need it.  
Peter Pettigrew  
  
Peter,  
Shut up.  
James Potter 


	2. Sirius's Mental Breakdown

Same Disclaimer applies here.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dear Pierre,   
  
Malfoy shall rot in hell by the time I'm done with him!!! That bloody git is going to   
  
propose to Narcissa at the end of the year!! My -cousin- of all people! Bastard! He shall   
  
pay...   
  
Sirius Black.   
  
  
  
Dear Sirius,   
  
Er, don't you hate Narcissa?   
  
James Potter   
  
  
  
Dear James,   
  
Of course I do.   
  
Sirius Black   
  
  
  
Dear Sirius,   
  
Then why the hell are you so pissed that she's going to marry Malfoy?!   
  
James Potter   
  
  
  
Dear James,   
  
Because it will mean I'm RELATED to MALFOY!!!   
  
Sirius Black   
  
  
  
Dear Sirius,   
  
We pity you.   
  
Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
Sirius is having a mental break down. Big time. Why? Well, besides the fact that he may   
  
(what am I talking about? *Will*) be related to Malfoy by the end of the year, he found   
  
out that James is going on a date with Lily. I think he fainted from shock. Well, according   
  
to James's yell just now, he's still laying on the floor twitching. I better go up and make   
  
sure he's not in a coma.   
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
I am going on a date with Lily! Lily Evans! The hottest, smartest, cutest, most wonderful   
  
girl in Hogwarts! In Britain! In the world!! We're going to go to Hogsmede together this   
  
weekend!!! I've been waiting for this day all my life! She said yes, she said yes, she said   
  
yes!!!!   
  
And just so you know, Sirius is being treated currently. Another couple pounds of   
  
chocolate and he should be fine.   
  
James Potter  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
Oh. Dear. Merlin. Today is just not my day. First Malfoy, then James going out with Lily.   
  
What next? Snape trying to kiss me?   
  
….I swear I'll kill him if he touches me….  
  
Need more chocolate…   
  
Sirius Black  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
She said yes, she said yes…she winked at me today!!!!   
  
James Potter   
  
  
  
Dear James,  
  
Jamsie, dear, I love you. Mention Lily one more time and I knock your lights out.   
  
Sirius Black   
  
  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
Lily.   
  
James Potter   
  
  
  
Dear Pierre,   
  
Um…well…I think Sirius has really lost it. He's chasing James around the common   
  
room with a stuffed rabbit. A pink stuffed rabbit. I have no clue where he got it, really!   
  
Anyway, James screams like a girl when faced with a rabid bunny-wielding Sirius. Oh,   
  
good, here comes Remus to save James from almost certain doom.   
  
Peter Pettigrew   
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
I have confiscated the Pink Rabbit of Doom. James is now safe from death by fuzziness.   
  
He made up with Sirius by surrendering half his stash of candy. How the hell both Sirius   
  
and James aren't the size of small countries by now I shall never know.   
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dear Guys,  
  
Someone has been reading Pierre! I mean, besides us!!!   
  
Sirius Black  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
I doubt it Siri. It's been locked up in my trunk. You're just being paranoid.   
  
James Potter  
  
Dear James,   
  
I'm not paranoid! I swear someone has been reading it! They could be reading it right   
  
now, we just can't see them!!!   
  
Sirius Black   
  
  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
Sirius, take your medication. Eat another thing of chocolate frogs, and go back to bed.   
  
It'll all be okay when you get up.   
  
Remus Lupin   
  
  
  
Dear Remus and James,  
  
I'm not crazy! I don't need medication! There is someone reading this! I swear! They're   
  
learning everything!!!   
  
Sirius Black  
  
Dear Sirius,  
  
Medication. Now.   
  
James Potter and Remus Lupin  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Author's Notes: I am so so so sooooooo sorry!!! :grovels before her reviewers: Forgive   
  
me oh great ones for not updating for so long!! I promise I'll get the next one up soon!!  
  
I Luv Sirius Black, Kris Moffatt, Padfoot, Nemesis Muse, Joey Rose, Chocolat Elf, Cletic   
  
Goth, Wildfire, Mr. Death Bunny, Sycogerl64-You rock my world. You are   
  
gods/goddesses. I bow before you. I kiss your feet.   
  
  
  
Padfoot-Fans? I have fans? Loyal fans? :faints: Don't die!! Here's the next chapter!!   
  
Don't leave meeeee!!   
  
Lollipop-Princess-I have obeyed your command! The Next Chapter is here!   
  
Draconian Elflord- Of course they're all barking mad. What would be the fun if they   
  
weren't? ^~   
  
Mr. Death Bunny-I'm insane too!! We can all be insane together!!!   
  
Yami Kage Kitsune-I'm glad you liked it. It's my job to make you people laugh. Since I   
  
can't seem to do anything else.   
  
Bible Hermione-Glad you liked it. :beams:  
  
The Anti-Social Squirrel-You should!! :is on the computer all the time when she is not   
  
supposed to: :whistles innocently:   
  
  
  
Eren: Remus thanks you for you understanding and says that he sympathizes with you.   
  
Sirius says that Erenriel and Nuiniachwen are much too nice to be trailer trash. James   
  
says hi to Luinramwen, because he knows what it is like to be pelted with fuzzies.   
  
  
  
Gilana-Here you go!! ^^   
  
  
  
Heather-Thanks for reading!! Here's the next chapter!!   
  
  
  
Flo With Me-I have obeyed your command o great one…   
  
  
  
Muggle77- Really? I feel so…special… :glows: My ego is so inflating currently…   
  
  
  
Kid Majere-^_____^ And I have! Finally.. o.o   
  
  
  
Demiguise-Glad you liked it.   
  
  
  
Dream*Kitty-Don't worry, I won't stop. I'll just procrastinate.   
  
  
  
Inu Lover-Thank you!! ^_____^   
  
  
  
Kitty hawk-Here you go!!  
  
…*bump*- Sorry for taking so long!! I am so horrible… :sob:   
  
  
  
Maja- Really? @_@ Awesome!!! I'm glad you like my little story.   
  
  
  
Please do me a favor and review!!! ^_^ 


	3. Where's Peter? And who the heck is writi...

Please, Please don't kill me. I'm very sorry about not updating. :grovels: I offer up this chapter in hope that you won't stone me!!!   
  
Reviewers, Past and Future, I love you all!!!  
  
Yes, reviewers can leave entries in Pierre! Join in the insanity!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
We have finally gotten Sirius to calm down. He spent most of the morning curled in a fetal position, but at least he's talking now. I think the meds are taking affect. We told the teachers various lies. Let's just hope they don't figure it out too soon.   
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dear Pierre,  
  
Pierre, this is Sirius. It's horrible. They've been making me swallow these horse pills and stay in bed. They think I'm imagining it, but I know these sort of things. I knew it was James when he stuffed sparkles in a bra and glued it too my head. I knew it was Malfoy when I found piranhas in my boxers. I know someone is reading this diary...I can just...sense it...you believe me, don't you?  
  
Sirius Black  
  
Sirius,   
  
Er, do you realize that we can read everything you write in the diary?  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
  
You can? How? It's a secret diary!!!  
  
Sirius Black  
  
Remus,  
  
I think those pills are affecting his brain. He's normally not this stupid.  
  
James Potter  
  
James,  
  
Says you.  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
  
He's not stupid!...normally!  
  
James Potter  
  
James,   
  
I'm afraid he is. We all love him, but he's not the brightest crayon in the box.  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
  
He was the one who came up with the idea to become animagus! He did all the charm and potion work!  
  
James Potter  
  
James and Remus,  
  
Do I get any say in this?  
  
Sirius Black  
  
Sirius,  
  
No.  
  
James Potter and Remus Lupin  
  
Pierre,  
  
We are being watched! We're being controlled! I just found the message stops here; it seems there was a struggle because there is a long line stretching across the page where it was ripped out of someone's hand.  
  
Guys,  
  
Where's Peter?  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Remus,  
  
Dunno, haven't seen him since potions. And he's not under my bed...I know that because that is where Sirius is. He's muttering about 'eyes.'  
  
James Potter  
  
James,   
  
I think we have a situation. Peter's been kidnapped.  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
Dearest Pierre,  
  
Whenever I see your name, all I can think of is Fox Trott whenever Paige has her fantasies. I'm reading you constantly and don't know why. Perhaps it's the HP fan in me...  
  
Anyway, again I am in front of my computer and leaving and review, and wondering when the author(ess) will update, because I'm going starkers, and am thinking of dipping into Sirius' meds so I can live through the torture of waiting for another chapter.  
  
Oh, and James? Lily winked at me too.  
  
Uozumi  
  
Guys,  
  
SEE?! SEE?! I WAS RIGHT!!! We're being stalked! They're watching us!!!! We're all going to die!!!!  
  
Sirius Black  
  
Dear Uozumi,  
  
LIAR!!!! SHE WOULD NEVER WINK AT YOU!! NO, NO NEVER!! STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND YOU the last word has been scribbled out by someone  
  
James Potter  
  
Dear Uozumi,  
  
I am sorry about my friend's rudeness, but I too would like to know why the hell you are writing in my diary?!?! Where is Peter?!  
  
Who is Paige anyway? And this 'authoress?'   
  
Oh, and please don't take Sirius's meds. He needs all the pills he can get.  
  
Remus Lupin 


End file.
